A Little Book of Pleasures by William Wood

Author:William Wood
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General Fiction
Publisher: Sunpenny Publishing Group
Published: 2012-09-12T00:00:00+00:00

38

A Pocket Handkerchief

A weekend newspaper interviews minor celebrities of the moment to a strict formula. One of the questions is, “What objects do you always carry with you?” Answers vary from the predictable, “my mobile phone,” through the medical, “my asthma inhaler” to the sentimental, “photos of my children.” No one so far has mentioned a pocket handkerchief. Perhaps instead they lug a box of tissues around with them. More waste, fewer forests.

The use of a handkerchief is a cultural matter. You remember walking through an African market with a Ghanaian friend when in mid conversation he sniffed, grunted, gripped the bridge of his nose and deftly sent a string of snot into the gutter. Startling at the time you recalled this not uncommon habit when another African acquaintance visiting you in London reacted with obvious disgust when a man on the tube emptied the contents of his nose into a grubby handkerchief, folded it up and crammed it back into his pocket.

The difference in our cultures might partially be explained by the differences in rural and urban living and by centuries of evolving manners. It was not so long ago the British spat and spread their tuberculosis on the trams and in the streets. Footballers still do spit publicly. Proficiency in gobbing is one of the prerequisites for getting into a premier division team. Perhaps we cannot expect footballers to carry a little hankie in their shorts (though imagine the advertising possibilities). In any case a pocket handkerchief is much more than just a snot rag, though that remains its primary function. Ever since your first pair of shorts you have always carried a handkerchief in your right hand pocket.

Throughout life, long trousers, jeans, uniforms, suits, beach shorts, and ski pants – that hankie has been your comfort blanket and your emergency kit.

Think of the uses of a handkerchief: in childhood you need it to clean wounds from falls and scrapes, to stem a nose bleed, to use as a blindfold, to carry home small creatures in, as a sieve for pond searches, to tie aniseed balls up in; as a grown up to flick over your toecaps before an interview, to mop your brow after the interview, to clean your glasses, to knot and protect your bald patch during that break in the sun, to wipe the mist from your car windscreen in the damp, to clean a nib, soak up a spill, protect your clothes. As child and man there have also been numerous occasions when a handkerchief was essential to dry your tears; or to hide them.

A pocket handkerchief can also become a fashion accessory. In this case it is worn in the breast pocket and is often a white silk handkerchief if that pocket belongs to a dinner jacket or dress suit. In other jackets it can be of any colour. If there is gypsy blood in your veins a dark red kerchief can be worn around the neck but then it ceases to be a handkerchief.

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